December 01, 2022
A Graduation and a Grant for Dream The Change CIC
Congratulations to our Co-founder Jemal Allabayeva who has graduated from the Lloyds Bank and Bank of Scotland School of Social Entrepreneurs (SSE) Trade Up Programme.
Ask the Expert - Some of Your Questions Answered
June 21, 2022
We sometimes get asked questions by parents and carers, who have children with special needs, like autism and ADHD.
Jeannie Gordon, the Principal and Executive Director from the Ministry of Parenting kindly agreed to answer the questions for you. As a psychiatric nurse with both residential and community experience, she is an expert in this field of working with children with SEND.
Do let us know if this Q&A helps you and your family.
1. How do you calm your child down if they are having a tantrum in public?
Tantrums are normally a way of a child expressing a need/want they are unable to communicate. Triggers can be they are hungry, tired, or over stimulated. These tantrums are emotional responses which occur on three levels.
- The first, and most basic level involves neurophysiological and biochemical reactions to stimuli, including all the bodily processes regulated by the autonomic nervous system: heart rate, blood flow, respiration, hormonal secretions (epinephrine, cortisol) and neural responses (EEG). For example, a child who is angry feels her heart race and her face redden.
- The second level of emotional response is behavioural, where such behaviours as crying, sullen gazes, withdrawal from interactions with others, and delayed responses.
- The third level is cognitive and involves language (whether spoken, written, or thought) by which a person labels her feelings as in, "I feel mad."
The range and depth of the emotional responses are dependent on the child’s age development, temperament, and the environmental situation.
The key is to
- Stay calm: this is not easy but if you become stressed too, your child will pick up on it. Keeping calm and in control shows your child that you are not overwhelmed by his or her emotions and while he or she feels out of control.
2. Don’t Give Attention to the Tantrum: Name the child’s feeling i.e. “I can see that you are upset/frustrated” then explain that you will give them your attention when they are calm. Then ignore the child by avoiding eye contact and not speaking, while still monitoring them. Once the tantrum has stopped and the child is quiet then give then back your attention by redirecting them or distracting them. Don’t talk about the tantrum until both yourself and the child are calm. If you are unable to do this because of the public setting, calmly tell your child you are leaving, even if that means your shopping doesn’t get finished or you have to leave an event (even if you leave for a short time and then return). Children need to know that their parent is handling the situation for them when they cannot do so themselves.
3. Teach your child emotional regulation skills. (To find out more, click here to visit our Parents Information page)
2. How do you deal with a member of the public if they start making rude comments about your child?
The first thing is not to take the rude comments personally. Maintain your dignity and avoid responding in a rude or negative way. Take a deep breath and give yourself space to calm down. The most effective response is to respond in a polite manner. This can be very difficult especially when feeling embarrassed. Tell them you find their comments disrespectful, and they are making you (and your child) feel uncomfortable. Then walk away and congratulate yourself on your conduct. You are modelling to your child on how to react when someone is rude.
3. When your child is doing their homework and if they make a mistake and have a meltdown, how can you help them to get over it and get on with the work?
If your child is becoming frustrated, give them a short break, let them have a snack (if appropriate) and stretch their legs. Avoid them having any screen time during the break as the screens will be too distracting.
Give your child a “when and then” command, e.g. “When you finish this homework Then you can watch TV/have screen time.”
Detail praises for their effort. Try to pick up on how they have completed certain tasks for example, "I like the way you worked that out…" as opposed to "Well done".
Encourage your child by offering a small reward that they can choose at the end of the day/week if all their set homework is done
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